


Fractals

by KLStarre



Category: Dimension 20 (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Bonding, Family, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Understanding, of a sort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-29
Updated: 2020-07-29
Packaged: 2021-03-06 00:41:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25584574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KLStarre/pseuds/KLStarre
Summary: Ruby understands Saccharina better, after news of Catherine Ghee's death.
Relationships: Saccharina Frostwhip & Ruby Rocks
Comments: 5
Kudos: 23
Collections: Dimension 20 Fic Exchange 2020





	Fractals

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JayQueenofHugs (bifangirl)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/bifangirl/gifts).



> I wrote this immediately after episode 15 I assume it's wildly canon divergent and I am sorry but also I needed to write it

“I heard about your mom,” comes a voice from behind Saccharina Frostwhip, and she jumps. It’s a lot to put together, all at once; the surprise of Ruby’s voice, unprompted and not angry, referring to Catherine as her ‘mom’, the idea that Catherine’s death is important enough to be spreading like a rumor.

The town is so quiet.

Saccharina turns to face Ruby, and Ruby looks smaller than she ever has, arms wrapped around herself. Saccharina’s not the best at reading people – she has Gooey for that – but she thinks that Ruby looks scared, maybe, and she hates that. As many times as she’s told herself that she is content to be Ruby’s queen, and does not need to be her sister, she still…doesn’t want Ruby to be afraid of her. She doesn’t want anyone to be afraid of her.

“Oh?” she responds.

“I just wanted to…” Ruby swallows, and looks away, and Saccharina lets her. It is unexpected that Ruby has sought her out, and she doesn’t want to risk it, doesn’t want to place her weight on ice that may not be fully frozen. Every once in a while, back in the nunnery, when the lakes would freeze over, they would be allowed to go skating, and one year, one of the younger kids had gone too far out into the middle and fallen through. No one had been able to get to them in time. The way Saccharina imagined that felt, up late at night and blaming herself for not being fast enough, is how it feels right now, to be talking to Ruby.

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry,” Ruby finishes, eventually, and Saccharina is drowning. What she usually says, when someone apologizes, is that they are forgiven. She does not think that’s what Ruby wants to hear.

“Thank you,” she responds, instead. That’s not quite right, either. None of this is right. Her mother died twenty years ago; she shouldn’t be grieving now; her mother had abandoned her; she shouldn’t be grieving at all.

Saccharina assumes Ruby is going to leave, now, but she doesn’t. She keeps standing there. “Is there something else?” As soon as she closes her mouth she wants to open it again, to clarify that she didn’t mean it the way it sounded, but she doesn’t – she’s the queen, now, she has to be more sure of herself. Has to stop begging for space and forgiveness that will never be offered her.

Ruby doesn’t seem to notice. “I didn’t mean – I didn’t just mean I’m sorry she’s dead. I’m sorry that it’s maybe a good thing for us.”

“Well,” Saccharina says, “I certainly can’t hold that against you.” There is a part of her that feels guilty for how she had celebrated the Rocks family’s arrival, their need of her, their eldest’s death. It had been all of her hopes come true at once, even as it had been the end of their worlds, and it felt cruel to have had a feast to welcome them. But also – she had not known the Princess Jet. The Rocks family, except for Amethar, had not known Catherine Ghee. There is no reason they should grieve together.

“I held it against _you_.” This conversation should feel unimportant, against the backdrop of a dying city, but Saccharina clutches it like the stick that the Mother Superior had tried to offer to the drowning child.

“Yes.” It had been unfair. Saccharina knows, with a certainty, that it had been unfair. But also – the stick is right there. It would be so easy to reach out and –

“I understand it now, I think.”

Saccharina wraps her hand around the stick and pulls herself up and her weight does not destroy the ice around her. “You’re forgiven,” she says, and her voice is not steady but she pretends that it is and it’s not what Ruby wants to hear but she pretends that it is and none of this matters, really, but she pretends that it does.

“I still can’t be your sister.” A pause, an echo. “I don’t think I blame you anymore, but I don’t have enough love left in me to give. I would like to be friends, though. Someday.”

“I understand,” Saccharina says, like a gasp, and she wants to be angry because she is good at being angry, but it is true. She does understand. There is no time for sisters. “I would like that.”

They stare at each other for a long while, and then Ruby bows, ever so slightly, and Saccharina bows back, because it feels right, and Ruby leaves. Saccharina stands alone until she hears the sound of Cinnamon’s growl from outside. She walks out to him and dismisses Gooey and Swifty. Cinnamon is so warm; she can feel it radiating from him even from six feet away, and when she presses herself up against him he is hot enough that it almost burns. He folds a wing around her without her even having to ask, and she lets herself cry, desperately, just for a moment, and hopes that no one sees.


End file.
